I've been identifying as a Druid since I was a teenager. It was an issue of Wired that brought me into the fold, oddly enough -- it was the October '97 issue and within there was an article on Wicca and online sources therefor. For some reason I decided to run a search for "druid" instead. From the very first site I read, I knew. It was like coming home.
I joined ADF fairly swiftly after that, as soon as I could get a PO Box (since my parents weren't exactly the tolerant type). Organizing a grove came soon after. It was always tough going -- the pagan community in my city isn't all that healthy, never has been, and Druids in particular have always been thin on the ground. It's a witchy city. So it goes. But we had our successes. At one point there were close to twenty people attending the rituals.
After three years, frustration took its toll and I decided to step down as grove organizer. The person who took over for me essentially let the grove die after that, and ever since then, I've been a solitary.
I was ordained to the Reformed Druids of North America in 2002. During my vigil, I received a personal visit from the Earth Mother. Not in body, only in spirit, but that was enough. I don't think I can say I've ever doubted the existence of the divine since.
Not that I've done my duties, I'm sad to say.
I've held onto a token faith since my ordination -- I haven't been practicing but the beliefs have remained. Not that they haven't evolved, mind you, but ever since '97 I haven't been able to let go of the "Druid" concept. But practicing? No, not so much. I let my ADF membership lapse right around the time I got married, and I dropped off the face of the Earth as far as the Reform was concerned as well. Since then I've occasionally tried to "start up" again, but nothing has really stuck up until the present day.
A digression.
I can't say exactly when my interest in the Aes and Van began. I was familiar with the god-forms before coming into paganism, from Final Fantasy and Sandman and various other sources. I'm almost entirely Germanic by blood, as is the bulk of Western Europe. German and English figure prominently into my heritage, as does Irish -- but the Irish comes by way of the Viking settlers, so it's not unreasonable to speculate that my ancestors were almost entirely folk of the North. Is this why I've been drawn to those legends, moreso than any other? Possibly, but I can't say for sure.
I've been struggling with that -- the fact that I can't help but identify as a Druid, but my "divine allegiances," such as they are, are to the gods of my ancestors. Reconciling the two satisfactorily is a challenge, one that I haven't quite mastered yet.
Digression over.
I read Stranger in a Strange Land around 2006, and I'd have to characterize it as a life-changing event. Even to this day I seek a nest, though I must admit that cynicism has taken root after years of failure. The last nest I was in imploded traumatically, and ever since then I can't say as I've been that close to anyone. Not for lack of trying, but so it goes.
I flirted briefly with the idea of starting a new grove last autumn, but once I became a truck driver I had to put those plans in abeyance. I'm still driving trucks, so for the foreseeable future I will by necessity remain solitary. Nevertheless, I have been feeling the pull of the Godhead once more, and I am at the moment trying to find the path again after wandering in the woods for so long.
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